IT trouble shooting

At my job I was told to monitor the network and check on people stuffing it. So my sniffer is working and I see lines of network jargon moving upwards.

I saw a spike, checked it some one was visiting pornsite, and you know that once you have seen a naked lady you want to see all of em.

I found that there was this student sitting in one of the labs on a corner computer,
he was sitting low on his seat, like those street racers with his back towards a glass wall, that was really stupid coz anyone passing by could see what he was doing.

So I stood behind the glass wall, saw what he was doing. I thought of letting it go, but my boss came around too. I told my boss I'll handle this .... he is just doing what a Man does.

I went to this bloke, and here is the conversation:

ME : Hey buddy, How are ya doing?

Him : I am doing great (puts his bag on his "stiffy")

ME : Good, good, so you'r doing your assignments..right?

Him : Yeah, shit load of stuff.

ME : Yeah, tell me about it, anyways....how much bucks have you got on you?

Him : ...may be around $200?Why?

ME : GET LAID!!

HIM : What? (It dawned on him)..oh ...(ALt+F4....ALT+F4)

ME: That one is really cute...but she dont belong to the UNIVERSITY LABS.

I bet his penis did a 360.
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ME : Randwick Pizza hut, how may I help you?

Janet from the library : My coffee holder isn't working anymore..JOE

ME : Janet that's your CD player (drive), stop using it to hold your coffee cup!!

Apparently she received an email from me with a link saying "free coffee cup holder", when she pressed it, out came the CD drive.

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Roslyn form the PR : hi Joe, Every time I turn on my radio my computer turns off.

Me : Ok, I'll come up and fix it.

When I went to her office I found that she was running a toster, kettle,Radio, printer, computer, monitor and heater from the same wall socket. She had used so many extentions that it looked like a mini nuclear reactor power station.

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Peter, my boss : " Pick up the phone, Joe"

ME : "hello, Joe here"

Cathy from the Marketing department: " Can I speak to Peter please"

(I turned to my boss and I wispered him its Cathy...My boss (a Marist brother) took few steps back and made a cross with his index fingers, and wispered " KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME"

me : OK....Cathy... Peter's not here right now...Is there anything I can do?

Cathy : yeah...I got a software to install on my pc which Peter gave me...but I am not able to install it. It asks me to press "any" key on the keyboard, but I can't find it.

Me : Oh, I understand, no problems Cathy...I'll get it fixed... can you give me 15 mins...I'll be there in your office.

Cathy : Ok...Thanx joe.

So I went to HarrisTechnology with Peter, bought an "any" key. Went to Cathy's office and replaced F12 with "ANY" key.