Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The pick-up song

The year is 2000, Moses invited me to accompany him to his Church, The Christian Science Church. This was his first day, a bit unnerving for both of us.

Moses was all dressed up for the Sunday mass, I was just wearing T and jeans.

The church was huge. We went inside this great hall, and it being Sunday, the Church was packed. Moses insisted we sit on the last row to avoid attention. He thought we'd make it quick...in and out...go unnoticed. We were the only Indians in this huge congression.

The Sunday mass started. The wireless microphone started making rounds of the "newbies" as I suspected, and yes our turn came and yes Moses froze. I panicked too, so instead of keeping my cool I started nudging Moses with my elbow, I said " Start with your name ". I had a strong urge of calling him "NAME" but I refrained, thought it would be inappropriate considering where I was.

I was looking at Moses's face, his face had turned pale but his ears and nose were shades of red, but eventually he eased and spoke about himself. I was alright coz I'd had some experience speaking in public. I told'em how happy I was to be among them and that they radiated warm friendly feelings which put us at ease. They all smiled and few were in awe as I spoke without an accent. It's working I thought, "The communication skills" after all I paid $2500 for that subject (Ah, the cheap Indian spoke).

We stood up and sang then We sat down and listened, apparently we did that a few many times . While in the midst of this I suddenly realized that people were looking at us. The mass ended, and by God amazing thing happened, every one came and congratulated us for our singing abilities.

After all the hand-shakes, an old woman approached to us and said " you'd make a good Tenor, after some voice training...By the way these two beautiful ladies are my grand children.....Gracy and Stella".

Monday, September 7, 2009

I am a coward bystander

I read the Times of India today and it says that you are not supposed to hold your girl-friends hands in public this Navratri. It will be considered as public display of affection and they will call your parents. The cops will play the moral police.

So if you are around 30 and you go out with your wife, and if for any GOD forsaken reason you hold her hand , they will call your parents, WHAT A F^&$@Ng joke. So from now onwards with my license I'd have to carry a marriage certificate too.

THIS IS A WARNING FOR ALL THE AMDAVADIS WHO ARE SANE:

1. STAY AWAY FROM DARK CORNERS. IF YOU LOVE YOUR DEAR, AND YOU WANT TO SHOW IT, DO IT IN PRIVATE. There are people in this town who didn't get proper sex education, so they can't differentiate between expression of love and vulgarity. So have mercy on their pea brain. We are more smarter, so we'd understand.

2. MOVE IN A GROUP OF ALEAST 10.

3. GET PHONE NUMBERS OF "INFULENCIAL PEOPLE" GET SOME ONE WHO IS LIKE A SON OF MLA, BROTHER OF POLICE COMMISSIONER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THAT MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SAVE YOU.

4. CARRY A DUPPATA WHICH IS NOT TRANSPARENT SO THAT YOU CAN COVER YOUR "FREEDOM".

5. PLEASE GET HOME BEFORE 11, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER TIME FOR ENJOYMENT.

6. IF THEY ARE BAD YOU BE NICE , DONT DO DRUGS OR BOOZ.


7. FORGET ABOUT ROADSIDE ROMEOS, STAY AWAY FROM COPS, YOU NEVER KNOW, IF THEY ARE DRUNK AND YOU ARE CAUGHT IN A NICE POSE THEY MIGHT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS, BELIEVE ME IT WONT BE ONLY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU MIGHT END UP GETTING VIOLATED YOURSELF. SO SAVE YOUR ARSE.

I am absolutely flabbergasted. It would be F$%@&$! pun of the century I guess, that probably is an understatement too. The "cops" think that people don't know what they do. Lets do a little bit of reality check.

I live in Ahmedabad. There is mind blowing property owned by the Police in Shahibaug area, right next to the river front. What is it used for? TAKE A GOD DAMN FREAKING GUESS. The IAS officers, the IPS officers get together and do their rave parties there. I mean its not a FUN party, it is grotesque twisted most perverted thing that even a psychologically insane person would look like an angel. For GOD's sake they are protectors of people.

Couple of months back somethings got stolen from the building, which belonged to "one of the influential person" in our office building, that guy owns a restaurant. Do you know what was stolen, plactic chairs. Now the night watchman was blamed for what happened, totally understandable. I mean he is the watchman. That's what we pay him for. I thought that may be he would have been fined, or fired as the last resort, it was just god damn plastic chairs.

Well an FIR was filed against him by this restaurant owner. Obviously plastic chairs can't be that valid reason for some one to get imprisoned. So as this person "knew" the police, they added many other things stolen in the FIR. The cops came, beat him up right in the middle of road, no questions asked. They took him to the police station for interogation later. The watchman's thighs are swolen, he cant sit properly coz they made him do a half squat and one by one many cops rained battons on his thighs.

Do you know how old this watchman is, he is 17. Later he told me that he was very scared at the police station coz at around mid-night the cops got their booz out. They started drinking. He knew that, they will beat him up sense-less if something does not happen soon. Well something did happen. The cops that night had caught a bootleger woman, probably, there is where they got their booz from. May be she was not able to pay the "security money". The watchman told me that all the cops raped that woman that night one by one in the adjacent cell. She screamed all night.

The kid was scared witless, you can imagine yourself how horrible it would have been to be there.

Ok one more revelation, I have seen cops take bribe, I've seen them sell booz. I can't do anything why, coz I am scared shitless. I am not a fighter, I've never even hurt a fly in my whole bleedy life. But I am sad, I do have remorse of the fact that I can't do anything. May be I can go through legal channels, Who am I kidding? Can I?

Who will control the licensed thugs like these. How can you stop people who have unlimited power. Can we?

I know that I will go to hell, but I do feel like I am in one any way. Watching all this all around me. It is killing me, my heart screams, cried and bleeds, I feel like something is smothering my heart. I get angry, frustrated, I am depressed, I feel absolutely helpless. I say sorry to myself everyday, I am ashamed of myself I am one more coward bystander.