Thursday, January 28, 2010

saved by the Loo

I have been saved twice because either one of my friend or me, badly wanted to go to the toilet .
First Incident
Well it was a beautiful summer weekend...about eleven-ish in the morning. My friend came to my home...we decided to pick-up other idiots and go for a fishing trip near Newcastle and then head towards Woolgoolga...need to find a fishing spot where few venture. Woolgoolga is whoop whoop land...we planned it perfectly.... ( whoop whoop land is ...where there is no one...I invented that term!!)

Bait box---Check
Tackle box---Check
Ugly sticks---Check (fishing rods)

We even carry a portable gas-stove with us...and it always stays in the car...coz we usually don't plan...we just go for it.

Well we sat in the car...and I realized that I forgot my wallet in the house...and my friend needed to use the loo.

My friend bolted like a 100 meter sprinter...I was wondering why the hell was he holding it upto to point that he would explode!!

I just opend the porch gate...and I heard a loud WHAAAMMMM.  I turned around and my car was gone!!

A soccer mom drove her V6 Land Cruiser Prada over my car...i mean OVER my car literally. She had 5 kids inside. She dragged my car to about 40 meters...she had her hands over her ears and eyes tight shut...she was screaming even after the car had stopped. Her car had Mounted my CAR.

NOTHING....absolutely nothing happened to her Prada...she had a freakin heavy bull bar in just got a little scratches on it's chrome. My car was a write-off. My favorite fishing rods...tackle box..everything gone!!

I pulled out a chair for her...gave her a glass of water...paramedics...arrived...Every one was so sympathetic for her even me...except my heart got first love passed away!!

Her reason for accident was SUN...she managed to crash into a parked car....because she got glare in her eyes ( GOOD ONE !!) and she also said that she was driving under the speed limit! ( REALLY!!!) My guess is she was doing atleast 70 Km/hour...

My car was a sedan and it became a hatch back...the rear seat was in the front...and my ugly sticks were embedded in the rear seat's metal back. Including my tool kit....fortunately the gas-stove did not go off. It looked like my car was wearing a TUTU.

I would say that we were saved by piss...if we were still in the car we'd have been dead.

Second Incident

It was my turn to visit the supermarket to get usual I forgot my wallet at home...but I had 50 dollars in my jeans..I always do case I forget...coz I did not have ANY CAR, I had  to walk 2 kms to get to the supermarket.

I picked up the trolley with stuff in it and headed back home...the bloody trolley would go side ways!! it was hard controlling it...and after a kilometer I realized that I need to go to the toilet...and the pressure was mounting my bladder was about to burst...there are no public loos on the way...that's why I FORGOT TO USE THE LOO IN THE SHOPPING MALL.

The pressure gives a person enormous strength...I started running....hoping to make it to home on time...i even kept the key in my hand....coz I know it is when you stop...the accident can happen. The freaking trolley went side ways all the time....but I WAS A MAN ON A MISSION.

BUT NO...How can everything go alright. A tall- well built 17 year-old kept following me...and he stopped me...and asked me to empty my pockets....this is how it went:

Attacker: Bro empty your pockets or you go home on a strecher.

( OH! GREAT....I want to go MAN...I need to get to the toilet...GOD..)

Me:   I don't have any...I left my wallet at is 5 dollars...take it...also you can have what's in the trolley. ( I was dancing while I was talking....)...buddy you got to let me go...may be you can take my number and fix an appointment can have a go at me later...please take a rain-check right now...COZ I REALLY REALLY NEED TO GO TO TOILET.

Attacker: I have never seen any Indian dance like you do!!

ME: If you like it...I'll teach you sometime....I PROMISE...LET ME GO MAN....GOD...I never wet my pants since I left the diapers...I don't want to start now.

Attacker: ha ha ha haha....HA HA HA HA HA....go away are one funny guy!!

ME: Thanx....give me your number we'll hang out some time... (WHY AM I SAYING THIS)...nyways I got to run.........

IT WAS not about being mugged....I made it to the toilet.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Question answer time

Although it seems that things have changed a lot, I think that they have just improvised a bit, like we used to wear hide and look stupid, now we wear a suit and a tie on a hot summer day and look stupid!

Because I spent a really really long time in Australia, now I am culturally half Australian. My first visit to India after a long spell, really got me thinking, the city seems the same, the smells feel the same, I recognize all the places I used to love and feel good about being back, the cow dung, potholes, dogs, cows, donkeys, buffaloes....It's my home alright.

It's the next few days when things started falling apart for me. I realized how much I have changed. The incessant honking of the horns on the street. People having loud conversations on their cell. It was annoying me a lot. And mostly how people could not talk without touching me or running their hands on my shoulder.

I was waking on the street, and this guy on a motor bike decided to spit while driving....I was sprayed with beetle nut juice...ruined my esprit t-shirt.

One day one of my far far away relative to pay me a visit. It was a proposal for his daughter. I'd never met this girl in my life. I don't know anything about her.

Their family decided to leave me and that girl alone for us to talk.

Here is the conversation/ interrogation question paper sheet:

My turn for asking:

Q1. what kind of guy are you looking for, you spend the rest of your life with?
Ans: Decent, soft-spoken, intelligent, down to earth, well-settled, healthy, well groomed, charming, handsome, dark, tall... (ME: Thats all?...I am pretty sure you missed some. ME: Honey you need to go to a shrink)

Q2. If you had a chance to do something in life, what would it be?
Ans: I want to be an enginneer and a house wife. (Me: I thought you'd say world peace or work for UN and save Ethopia)

Q3. If your parents agree, would you get married to me?
Ans:  I am ok with what my parents choose for me.

Q4 But you don't love me, we met for like 5 don't even know me... how did you decide that I will keep you happy?
Ans: I think so... ( Me: OK, I feel sorry for this girl, so sad...They have programed her)

I donnot but I dont ask much, so i kind of....said....your turn...shoot

Her turn for asking:
Q1. What do you do?
Ans: Many things, but mostly I concentrate on vital things like  breathing, eating, farting, pissing,  living.

Q2. Do you work?

Ans: I hope so, most people think I work just fine, but I believe that I do not work out for many people that well.

Q3. What is your occupation?

Ans: I herd Cattle. Kind of a cowboy, only I am not that macho.

Q4. Do you eat non-veg food?
Ans: Oh, well my room-mate is Dr. Lecter Hanibal and he says that If  I ask him what I ate, I wouldn't like it.

Q5. Do you have a girl-friend?
Ans: Yes, she is 1.8 liter DOHC, 120Kw, Lancer MR, I modified her myself, It took me three months. Bought her from an Auction.

Q6. Do you have a house?
Ans: Nope, I am a nomad. Cattle herding does not require it....Do you know how to milk Cow?

 Q7. What are your hobbies?
Ans: Hobbies?  reading books, singing songs, swimming, lawn tennis, table tennis, badminton, cricket, golf, rock climbing, para gliding ....I don't do any of it, I smoke pot for recreation.

Q8. How many children do you want?
Ans: Errr... excellent question, definitely, positively are so smart, but how many can you produce?

Q9 Your mom said you were sick, what happened to you?

Ans: ADD, schizophrenia, sever depression and many more. But the doctor says we are all fine now. I am on happy pills, they keep me happy...oops time to pop one now!

And later I went out to meet this girl who was real fast, so fast...

She went like this:

She: So....Mr. looking good, how many girls have you slept with. ( Oh alright, she called me Mr. Australia....and she is asking for my score card. Wonderful !! and that's just her opening sentence )

Me: I am fine thank you for asking........anyways...How many do you think?

She: Atleast 4

Me: You can tell that just by looking at my face?

She: I think so.

Me: what else do you think I do?....don't answer...I'll pass that... Thanx for meeting me...It was great to know about myself.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Scientific definations for the people who want to read and write good and get away with it.

To be or not to be, depends on what you put after the verb "be"....having said that meaning less sentence as it has nothing to do with this post, I will just continue with what I am writing after a brief distraction due to myoneurotic-infraction.

While in school I used to come across these wierd home work, the teachers gave us, I used to look around the class to see the faces of anyone with WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD DO I DO WITH THIS kind of look. Instead I'd find this sincere looking people, with this half stupid look like army men have when they are ordered to do something. I went home, I knew that I could not write the answers to what was asked to me, I have this "Permanent Interrogatory Facial Muscular Disorder" also known as having a big question mark on my face, mostly because I never pay attention in class room.

I was to write the paraphrase of the last paragraph of P.B Shelly's poetry  The cloud, which in original form is as follows:

I am the daughter of Earth and Water,
    And the nursling of the Sky;
I pass through the pores of the ocean and shores,
    I change, but I cannot die.
For after the rain when with never a stain
    The pavilion of Heaven is bare,
And the winds and sunbeams with their convex gleams
    Build up the blue dome of air,
I silently laugh at my own cenotaph,
    And out of the caverns of rain,
Like a child from the womb, like a ghost from the tomb,
    I arise and unbuild it again.

I was 10 years old, how in the GOD's name could I get what the poetry meant. But teacher did explain it. so i have to write the paraphrase!

So i wrote it, with a scientific out-look, courtesy medical journal and Oxford English Comprehensive Mega Extremely Non-understandable Words Collection Dictonary/ Repository.

Here is my latest version: (scientific explanation with reference to Quantum Mechanics and general Physics)

The authour is a female born out of conjugal mating ritual performed by terrafirma and hydrogen dioxide also known as H2O.

She used to be breast fed by the gaseous mass covering the planet pulled in by the gravitational force which is blue in color due to the refraction of light caused by suspended particles.

She possesses the ability to change the state of her matter from solid silicon layer to sodium chloride 20% W/V solution which covers 70.8% of the planet earth. (Note: the concentration of sodium chloride might vary according to precipitation and temperature) Resulting in her being immortal and possessing ability to reorganize her atomic structure.

The poet applies her derivatives from the laws of Quantum mechanics and states that the hypothetical destination for all living beings to pass on to after death is in fact a pavilion and does not contain any particles on its surface after the vaporization-precipitation-condensation cycle in the air resulting in round H2O particles falling at a speed of 33M/sec due to gravitational force and their spherical shape is due to surface-tension and drag and lift forces created by the friction in the atmosphere. These particles being sterile and distilled do not leave any unwanted marks on that pavilion.

The author tries to explain the reason of why the sky is blue by stating that the light refracted by the semitransparent convex reflective suspended particles in the atmosphere, randomly moving around due to the change in atmospheric pressures and that the gravitational pull makes it dome shaped.

Then the author confesses of suffering from a neurological disorder by giving an example that she expands her 35 facial muscles without making any sound by looking at her own monument designed to signify her dual citizenship and contradicting the fact that she is immortal.

But she later explains that her atomic restructuring is signified as death and rebirth while performing that feat she describes the psycho-emotional elaboration comparing the process with child birth and resurrection of paranormal-disembodied-personality from resting place of the afore stated being's dead body.

PHEW! well the original sucked more than this one, and my teacher threw my note-book ( I bet she had been practicing throwing Shuriken) It landed on my nose and i started bleeding.!!

So continuing my research on the internet I found few and made some of my own scientific definitions of various things around us:

French Kiss:

Juxtaposing your orbicular oris muscles in the position of contraction


The conjugation of male and female reproductive organs of simmilar species with spasmodical pulsating contractions of pelvic regions stimulated by the electrial impulses created by brain resulting in release of oxytocin (cuddle-hormone)and exchange of  DNA laced liquid. The byproduct of which is single cell organism diving and multiplying later to become a major head-ache in future.

Analytical juxtapositioning of peculiar diversified words which are progressively absorbed by optcial photo sensitive cells, transmitted to the brain by optical nerves firing up neurosemetic circuits resulting in expansion of knowledge is called reading.

The finger of impunity: The finger of impunity created by contraction and relaxation of lumberical and interossei muscles expanding the digitus turtius, causing sever disgust reaction to the reciving party, it also can cause serious repurcussions like swift kick in the groin.

So you are late for office and you thing OH what do i do? what excuse do I have: 

Ok even if you don't want to excuse yourself, but this can most certainly get laid. You are absolutely right that you are wrong it means you get fired kind of laid, or laid on the floor after some one punches you for giving him/her or them a massive myonurotic infraction also known as a head ache.

You can get famous but only for wrong reasons, call this the Mighty battle AXE EFFECT.

Head ache: Pulsating Myoneurotic Infraction.

Sore throat: Soro-thrototytus

Upset-Stomach: Gastro-upsetotites Borborygmi (growling stomach)

 Common fever :   Sever infra-fever-o-cocus

Common Cold : nasal-nostop-run-o-closis


Blogghoria: If you just can't stop blogging.

Blogonstipation: If you can't start blogging.

I cant write anymore, that's all for now, if your mind starts running side-ways like mine, please feel free to add more in the comments. I would love to read that!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Fire-cracker and cow dung explosion

I wanted to attach an image of cow dung, but I could not bring myself to do that, coz I never saw cow dung at such a close range as the picture was (here is the link) don't say that I didn't warn.

Long time ago I went to my village were I am allowed to be the animal I am, no reigns, no need to be a snob, a knob or a nob. Normally among kids in village its more about how fast you can run, climb the tree or tie a bell around a bull's neck.

This is the story about my vacation. My cousins and I were playing, and because we were a lot into modifying things, we decided to do something radical.

It was Diwali so we decided to make our own mega explosive, really noisy fire cracker.

We took couple of these shown in the picture, these are Chinese, the Indian versions have better wick.

But these firecrackers have a problem, they go off very quickly and in a way you can blow your hand off if not careful.

So we decided to find a way to make is safe but loud. We found another version of fire cracker which is pretty loud and kind of scary but it has a slow burning wick, that gives us enough time to run. Look at the picture on the left.

Now what we did was we super glued couple of those above with the one on the side and kind of connected the short wicks to the bottom of the slow burning wick.

So the bomb was ready, but it looked kind of dangerous, I have no idea what flipped inside my brain but I decided to plant the bomb in the largest cow dung I could find, which was conveniently near a store that used to rip us off.

We needed something to light it up, but we were not so sure about going inside the house for asking. Coz we have a notorious reputation. If any of my associates including me ask for something that has to do with fire, we will be punished.

So one of my not-so-smart cousin, who apparently was shaking with fear brought a colored sparkles instead of incense stick (incense stick allows to light up the wick with precision), he went near the bomb and tried to lit it, but because of its immense heat, the sparkle burnt the wick faster than it should.

AND BADA BOOM it went, massive ammount of cow-dung flying every where. I was smarter so I stood behind a pillar, but my cousins were not spared.

The one who lit the bomb was completely covered in cow-dung, his face was black from the soot and he was belowing smoke out of his nostrils. The other cousin managed to start running, so he was half covered with dung. I was already behind a wall, I was safe.

I saw the impact of the blast next day in the morning, the shop's shutter and it's hoarding was covered in cow dung. Not a single thing in the vicinity was spared. two cars and a bike....completely covered in cow dung.

It took few days for my cousin to recover from that blast!! and the smell of the dung didn't leave him for days.

My cousin went " YEAH!! lets do it again" and after few days we modified a rocket, which did not take off, and the whole thing blew on ground, burnt my uncle's favorite rose bush, and we got thrashed and grounded.

The cow-dung smell was bad, but the revenge I took was sweet.

I don't lit fire-cracker's any more, I think its just not good for the environment and mostly because they are made by child laborers.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Long time ago, Eddy and me were returning from a hectic, long 300kms of driving kind of day. It was almost 1 AM, and we were passing through this really really dangerous suburb called Cabramatta, drug dealers, gang wars and stuff going around at that place all the time.

It was cold, and we were in our trusty Toyota Hiace, which takes a lot of battering from Eddy and his road rage, if Eddy can't kill it, nothing can! I could hardly keep my eyes open, and still had a long way to go coz Eddy lives in Campbelltown. We stopped for some energy drinks (v-drink), we both are kind of addicted to it!!

Eddy was waiting for me in the van as I came out of the 7/11 (Yes that was run by an Indian, as you might have assumed! TAXI+ 7/11 = Indian). Eddy honked the horn when the store guy was fumbling with change! I gave Eddy a finger (Hold your horses, the cash register is working as fast as it can!!).

I jumped into the passenger seat, and Eddy looked at me with a serious face.

Eddy: " bro there is something wrong tonight, I don't feel right, let's get out of here"

Me: " don't tell me you are thinking of skid-mark Eddysophy again!!"

Eddy:  " no, seriously, I have this gut feeling something is wrong!"

Me: " ok, bro, then let's start with a skid-mark on the road and scoot from here! I am not a fan of this place at this time either!"

We came across an intersection and there was this red-light camera there! so we had to stop as the traffic signal was red. There were no vehicles around, the streets were empty. It was dark, cold and coz Eddy's gut sensors where crying out, I too felt the chill in my spine. We were in no mood to stop at the traffic signal.

I was sure that if we get to meet goons at this time high on cocaine, we'd be dead. I've heard that when a person is high on cocaine, you don't want to be around! specially with a sawed off shot gun with a hair-trigger! But Eddy was a big man and a former kick-boxer. I wasn't that worried. He taught me many things and may be if I don't panic we might get through alive.

I shouldn't have thought about all this, coz while I was thinking of various scenarios of what we would do to not get killed! I saw a man running towards our car.

I could tell he was high on something, coz he was running erratically, he was trying to cross the street. I frantically pushed the lock down. At the same time we saw a gang of 10 people with guns and machetes running towards us. The guns are not intimidating, coz you know that you'd get killed instantly , but the machetes are very scary. You can imagine , you won't die quickly with one of those slashing through you, unlike movies, coz you'd be struggling too.

I could tell that they were not ordinary teenagers with weapons, I've read lot of novels and done a lot of wiki to know that! as they came closer I saw a man with a knife in the group, he was holding it in downward position, the pointy thing towards the ground, gripping it like a tennis racket, a perfect grip.  That is a sign that they are trained people. When you find some one holding the knife or any kind of pointy thing in that way, you better run! only experts hold it that way. 

We froze, unlike the scenarios i ran in my head, blood ran out of our faces!. I looked at Eddy and he gestured to be quite.  The man being pursued collided with our van from my side. I saw the horror in his face, and something else too. There was a syringe stuck in his neck!

As we were smoking, I had left an inch of my window open. I could smell petrol. Some one had stabbed this guy with a syringe full of petrol.

The guy let a shriek out and started crossing the street. He was too slow but there was hope . There was a hospital and gas station right across the street. I also heard police siren closing fast! listening to the cops the gang after him stopped.

The man stumbled and started crawling towards the gas station. I was confused...why in the God's name is this man going towards  the petrol station instead of the hospital. But he just stopped, he could not go any further. He just had to go little bit more but he didn't.

All this happened within 60 seconds. Eddy gunned the car, and we ran out of there!!

Can anyone guess why the man stopped?

Coz he ran out of petrol!

Gotcha!, it's not even April yet! but that's me!

Thank you Eddie, coz you made this up!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Dream-- the killer clown with table fan

when I was a kid I used to get bullied a lot. But I was not the silent type either, I had a brain good enough to get back at them, which of course when got caught ended up with more violence. Most of the time I'd stand up against my adversaries and get beaten up black and blue later, coz my feeble attacks won't do much difference. And on top of this my mom would punish me for getting into a fight which rounded things up.

Oh, in case you are wondering what I do to get back, here are some tips for newbees in revenge business:

  1. Take a key that fits into your opponent's bike and break it in the lock!!
  2. Stick "Kick me, I need one" on your opponents back. (this needs a lot of practice)
  3. Always keep a blade handy, I use it to tear off pants from the back side. shaving blades are so sharp that the enemy won't suspect. Pray to God that he is not wearing undies that day!
  4. I got a ink pen in which i'd let the ink into the cap, so when the bully opens it, you can be there to laugh!
  5.  I'd put water on the chair that i want to sit on later. The bully will ofcourse think "ewww".
  6. I always remember the punches and then I get back atleast after three months, out of the blue. Surprise!!
  7. Pick you nose! people will take you for granted! They'd think you are an idiot, gross! and mostly won't bother you thinking you are dirty to even touch.
  8. Fart if you can!
  9. Always take evasive actions, use brain more than brawl. you'd loose more with straight fights than using tactical war-fare. Wait...patience is the key.

During my guess is because of the above stated problem I used to get this recurring dream.

I'd be running on stairs of this very tall building climbing as something keeps following me. My mind is racing to find a way to evade my enemy. I am scared shitless, my heart's thumping hard against my chest. My lungs are burning with fatigue. I don't even have strength to scream.

But I keep running to the top of the building (it's funny coz i must have climbed a hell lot of stairs, it's like hero of a B-grade movie, he won't die till the director wants him to). Some how even though I was slow my enemy was not able to get me!!

At last I was on the roof, I ran towards the ledge. I saw my enemy, he looked like one of those freaky clowns from a horror movie. He had a weapon in his hand. It was a table fan, which was working to my surprise without electricity,...... actually it looked more like an exhaust fan. It had a grill on it!!

I was thinking, I don't see it connected to any power socket, and it was really stupid coz the fan won't do much harm as it had grill on it!!

But I was freaked out. He lunged towards me , but he did not fell. He was very strong, I could feel his rage. How badly he wanted to kill me by blowing wind on my face with that table fan!! I was walking backwards. Now i was standing on the ledge, I could see the earth bellow!

I never felt so much hatred coming from a clown, I wanted to ask him "what did I do to you?" While I was thinking he pushed me, I felt it... the funny sensation you get in a ferris wheel. I was falling really very fast. My blood had frozen. THUMP I had fallen off my bed. A part of my adrinaline junkie mind was thinking wow what a rush. The other was scared to go back to sleep. The latter won and I watched cartoon all night. Which pissed off my parents and I got grounded. "no TV for you FOREVER".

This dream came often, untill one day I took control over my dream, and remembered to carry a parachute with me. Coz eventually I was going to be pushed off the ledge. To my surprise the freaking clown could fly, and he still carried that table fan with him.

I thought, this is mad! why would that idiot not let go of the freakin table fan and carry something useful like a 9mm gun or a skythe, or a machette. I was thinking, my life sucks so much that even the freaking clown is not bothered to carry something nice to kill me. Thinking how pathetic my enemy was, I just stopped. I thought I'd rather commit suicide than die with a table fan!!

So in my dream I raced towards some real hard boulders on the ground hit hard and died, free, happy and woke up with tears in my eyes!! But I was relived!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Chin chin

I saw this movie called big fish... and I remember these lines between Edward Bloom's son and the doctor when they were talking about his father who told tall stories about everything including the way William was born.

Doctor: Your father ever tell you about the day you were born?
William: Yeah, a thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish.
Doctor: Not that. The real story. He ever tell you that?
William: No
Doctor: Well, your mother came in about in the afternoon.Her neighbor drove     her, on account of your father was away on Wichita. You were born a week early,but there were no complications. It was a perfect delivery. Your father was sorry not to be there. But it wasn't the custom then for men to be in the room for I can't see how it would've been much different had he been there. And that's the real story of how you were born. Not very exciting, is it? And I suppose if I had to choose between the true version...and an elaborate one involving a fish and a wedding ring...I might choose the fancy version. But, then that's just me.

I am not going to elaborate my story that much but in my heart it is no less then fairy tale. My grandfather used to say that to me... make beautiful memories coz that's all you'll have forever.

<-----ME NOW,Constipated look
I met her three years ago, she came to my office with her friend, the day was 4th April 2006. She wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans, as always she looked stunning, but that day she was going to be my student!!

After talking to her, I told her that she did not need my help and that she could do without taking this course for communication skills, but she did not leave, and I didn't want her to go either. We talked for an hour I think. She told me later that she fell for my accent, and the way I said whatever was on my mind.

She is a bit quirky, good looking stunningly beautiful. She is very head strong, has an attitude with capital A. She'd get her way one way or the other. She is absolutely not vulnerable, very confident and intelligent. I was really really pleased to meet a girl who knew exactly what she wanted from her life. I was not going to let this opportunity pass.

I told her that there was no need for her to join the course, but I would love to see her often, because there was something about her I really wanted to figure out, which might even take a life time.

So I asked her to come some time around and meet me. Coz I really enjoyed talking to her, she was smart and pretty.

One day I took her hand and kept staring at her palm, and
She  asked :"what?" what does it say?"

Me             :" how am I suppose to know?"

she            :" I though since last ten minutes you are trying to read my palm"

Me            :" No, I don't know palm reading, I am just admiring your lovely hand, it's so beautiful, and how the hell can I let go of such a beautiful hand attached to such a beautiful girl."

I tried other 10 pickup techniques! which made her laugh.

And like rain on a sunny day, she said " I have a boy friend", I thought " what the hell, I tried!!" ( All the pretty girls are spoken for---theory proved).

Speaking to myself "So break up with your boyfriend, or I'll break him up anyway!!"

Nope, I didn't do nothing, but I was sure that , her asswipe boy-fiend had like a million in one chance to compete with me!! I was trained by the best in this world.

I was not going to poke into her business, as this was not the first time that a girl that I wanted to go out with had a boy-friend. But I knew she deserved better, she could get any man she wanted, but she stayed faithful to him.

We were good friends, untill that idiot boyfriend of hers was caught cheating with a married woman, not only this he also wanted her to understand a "man's" need.

I told her that you better get rid of him, coz i think you deserve better, I don't care if it's not me, but this moron's got to go. No i take my words back, it has to be me! and the moron's got to go.

And that idiots gone for good, I hear, still with that same woman, having a hard time!! ( not surprised! that that woman back stabbed him)

Don't ever think that its all pretty coochi coo between us, we fight like hell. We are poles apart in many many ways. And her attitude is horrible. She'd hardly means her sorries. But I tell you what, I like that about her too. Sometimes she drives me mad, but I can't live without her. Like I said I am still trying to figure out why in the God's name I can't think of my life without her. I am in love with her anger...her horrible, I don't-care-go-to-hell attitude. I am not going to write about the love we share or this post will become a fairy tale!!

But she has been with me in my bad times and good, trusted me, loved me.

I've been through relationships before, fell in love, got on. But this is different.

After three years she still dazzles me. I feel like home when she is next to me. Now I know that this is the girl I'd love to grow old with.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Tagged by Sorcirator

8 TV shows I like to watch: BTW, haven't seen TV shows since six months.

1. Boston legal
2. Time wrap
3. Kumar's at 42

4. Bleach
5. Full metal Alchemist
6. yu yu hakusho
7. Yakitate! Japan

What ! I love Animax

8 favorite place to eat and drink:

Unfortunately there are none in my city, that I'd like to re-visit.
but I have tea regularly at this place where there are lot of trees, and they got nice Khatlo lined up where you can sit and relax.

I dont like swank, I like swings.

8 things I look forward to:

1. Visit the places I've had in back of my mind for a long time
2. Meet all the online e-morons, give em a surprise attack.
4. Get married.
5. Order something from Mr.Poo's cataloge.
6. Catch-up with many movies I missed in 2009.
7. I guess that's about it.
8. I got a bucket list too.

8 Things that happened yesterday:
1. Sorcy asked me the English word for the thing that horses do when they get irritated!!
2. Went out with my GF, had lunch and later had coffee in the evening.
3. watched Shawshank redemption, 20th time.
4. Didn't do anything else.

8 Things I love about winter:
1.  Sun rises

 2.  Tea
3.  the chill

8 things on my wishlist:
I think I have everything I ever wanted...I am a man with little needs

1. A long long holiday on any Caribbean Island
2. A day without smoking

4. A freakin long Honey moon.  
5. More holidays

8 things 'am passionate about:

1. Chin-chin ( plz google it first)

2.  friends
3. food

I think rest of the things just follow

8 words/phrase I often use:
My brain denies torture

8 things I learnt fom the past: (notes to me)

1. Do not be on the wrong side of a woman's wrath
2. Do not light a modified fire-cracker in cow-dung, use a car's exhaust, it behaves like a bazooka.

3. Do not watch Discovery channel's documentaries on animal life to the end, coz it turns into animal porn. I donot want to know how ferrets make babies.

4. Do not forget daylight savings.

5. Do not forget your gf's birthday, it's ok to forget wearing pants, but not gf's birthday.
6. Stop talking too much. Coz you look like an idiot on Ecstasy.
7. Do not trust Microsoft products.
8. Questions are always right.

8 places I would love to go/visit/see:

1. Rio-de Janeiro

2. Algeris ( El-Jazeir) Sahara desert
3. Istanbul

4. A &N Islands (I've been there, but now i want to live there)
5. All the idiots i know.

New Zealand

8 things I currently want/need:

1.  Holidays

8 people I want to tag:
1. DD
2. Mr. Poo
3. Yemiledu

2. Susie
6. Vampy
7. Far
8. Jaycee


Friday, January 1, 2010

Tagged by TCS idiots

1. What is your current obsession

I am generally obsessed.

2. What are you wearing today?


3. What’s for dinner?    

I do not question dinner.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?

I dont buy anything I download it, and it has to be open source

5. What are you listening to right now? 

Match-box 20

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

I'll have to write an essay about that

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

a hacienda on the moon.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer? 

Holiday to a cooler place, with my Chin-chin

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Rio-de janeiro and wait for the rio-carnival

10. Which language do you want to learn?

I was thinking of making my own.

11. What’s your favorite quote?

Awl ij Well

12. Who do you want to meet right now?  
All the dim-wits who call me their friends.

13. What is your favorite color?

14. Give us 3 styling tips that works for you
Just think "I make this look good." three will do the trick.

15. What is your dream job?

I'll be caught dead working for some one. Slavery is one thing I do not believe in.

16. What’s your favorite magazine?  
Don't know how to read and write good. Anything with a centerfold.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?  

I had $100 and I have absolutely no idea how I spent it, and I am happy.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Nothing is faux pas if you are really,really....ridiculously good looking.

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

What the hell is a style icon? wait... putting my me-so-dumb wig on...I know the answer...I am sure the over-rated style icon is a bad thing. but it's like, I don't know about it much, coz I idolize Buddha after i turned to Buddhism, and like I am at peace now.

Over rated style icons are those people whom you are jealous of.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?  

All I say is that leave my shade stand (ears) alone. I need them for resting my shades. Leave the rest on me...I'll make it look good.

21. What are you going to do after this?  

Let me answer this question with another question. What am I going to do after what?

 22. What are your favorite movies?  
What are my favorite movies, I am usually stoned when I watch them.
23. What inspires you?

Sorry ass, whining people inspire me to not to be like them.

24. What does your friends call you most commonly?

How many swear words do you know? just use the permutation and combination method and you'd know.

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?  


26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?  

I call all the idiots I know one by one, and beg them to save me.

27. What makes you go wild?

Pink underwear and shirt with no bra ( and i won't be wearing that!!)....hold on a sec...wild in which way?

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting? 

Man, this is tough one I like the onces that do not pretend, and write what they want to write without worrying about what others would think.

29. Are you a vegetarian? 

YES, sure.

30.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?

let me check:
1. Nude girl wearing only tutu
2....i think that's about it.
3. I am lying coz i am writing this post too.

31. Favorite Season?

I enjoy all, although I like cooler seasons better

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

Seven course french dinner. HA HA HA HA funny, eat the bloody bread and butter

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Give 'em the blue and black eye....just kidding
who in the right mind would want to waste time on me!!

34. What are you afraid of the most?

me, myself and I

35. What's the first you do once you have booted the system?

Start the pc and go on a coffee break.
36. What brings you smile on your face instantly?

When one of the morons who I care about call me.