Although it seems that things have changed a lot, I think that they have just improvised a bit, like we used to wear hide and look stupid, now we wear a suit and a tie on a hot summer day and look stupid!
Because I spent a really really long time in Australia, now I am culturally half Australian. My first visit to India after a long spell, really got me thinking, the city seems the same, the smells feel the same, I recognize all the places I used to love and feel good about being back, the cow dung, potholes, dogs, cows, donkeys, buffaloes....It's my home alright.
It's the next few days when things started falling apart for me. I realized how much I have changed. The incessant honking of the horns on the street. People having loud conversations on their cell. It was annoying me a lot. And mostly how people could not talk without touching me or running their hands on my shoulder.
I was waking on the street, and this guy on a motor bike decided to spit while driving....I was sprayed with beetle nut juice...ruined my esprit t-shirt.
One day one of my far far away relative to pay me a visit. It was a proposal for his daughter. I'd never met this girl in my life. I don't know anything about her.
Their family decided to leave me and that girl alone for us to talk.
Here is the conversation/ interrogation question paper sheet:
My turn for asking:
Q1. what kind of guy are you looking for, you know...to spend the rest of your life with?
Ans: Decent, soft-spoken, intelligent, down to earth, well-settled, healthy, well groomed, charming, handsome, dark, tall... (ME: Thats all?...I am pretty sure you missed some. ME: Honey you need to go to a shrink)
Q2. If you had a chance to do something in life, what would it be?
Ans: I want to be an enginneer and a house wife. (Me: I thought you'd say world peace or work for UN and save Ethopia)
Q3. If your parents agree, would you get married to me?
Ans: I am ok with what my parents choose for me.
Q4 But you don't love me, we met for like 5 mins....you don't even know me... how did you decide that I will keep you happy?
Ans: I think so... ( Me: OK, I feel sorry for this girl, so sad...They have programed her)
I donnot but I dont ask much, so i kind of....said....your turn...shoot
Her turn for asking:
Q1. What do you do?
Ans: Many things, but mostly I concentrate on vital things like breathing, eating, farting, pissing, shitting....in-short living.
Q2. Do you work?
Ans: I hope so, most people think I work just fine, but I believe that I do not work out for many people that well.
Q3. What is your occupation?
Ans: I herd Cattle. Kind of a cowboy, only I am not that macho.
Q4. Do you eat non-veg food?
Ans: Oh, well my room-mate is Dr. Lecter Hanibal and he says that If I ask him what I ate, I wouldn't like it.
Q5. Do you have a girl-friend?
Ans: Yes, she is 1.8 liter DOHC, 120Kw, Lancer MR, I modified her myself, It took me three months. Bought her from an Auction.
Q6. Do you have a house?
Ans: Nope, I am a nomad. Cattle herding does not require it....Do you know how to milk Cow?
Q7. What are your hobbies?
Ans: Hobbies? reading books, singing songs, swimming, lawn tennis, table tennis, badminton, cricket, golf, rock climbing, para gliding ....I don't do any of it, I smoke pot for recreation.
Q8. How many children do you want?
Ans: Errr... excellent question, definitely, positively impressed...you are so smart, but how many can you produce?
Q9 Your mom said you were sick, what happened to you?
Ans: ADD, schizophrenia, sever depression and many more. But the doctor says we are all fine now. I am on happy pills, they keep me happy...oops time to pop one now!
And later I went out to meet this girl who was real fast, so fast...
She went like this:
She: So....Mr. Australia....you looking good, how many girls have you slept with. ( Oh alright, she called me Mr. Australia....and she is asking for my score card. Wonderful !! and that's just her opening sentence )
Me: I am fine thank you for asking........anyways...How many do you think?
She: Atleast 4
Me: You can tell that just by looking at my face?
She: I think so.
Me: what else do you think I do?....don't answer...I'll pass that... Thanx for meeting me...It was great to know about myself.