Thursday, January 28, 2010

saved by the Loo

I have been saved twice because either one of my friend or me, badly wanted to go to the toilet .
 
First Incident
Well it was a beautiful summer weekend...about eleven-ish in the morning. My friend came to my home...we decided to pick-up other idiots and go for a fishing trip near Newcastle and then head towards Woolgoolga...need to find a fishing spot where few venture. Woolgoolga is whoop whoop land...we planned it perfectly.... ( whoop whoop land is ...where there is no one...I invented that term!!)

Bait box---Check
Tackle box---Check
Ugly sticks---Check (fishing rods)
Food---Check
V-drink--Check

We even carry a portable gas-stove with us...and it always stays in the car...coz we usually don't plan...we just go for it.

Well we sat in the car...and I realized that I forgot my wallet in the house...and my friend needed to use the loo.

My friend bolted like a 100 meter sprinter...I was wondering why the hell was he holding it upto to point that he would explode!!

I just opend the porch gate...and I heard a loud WHAAAMMMM.  I turned around and my car was gone!!

A soccer mom drove her V6 Land Cruiser Prada over my car...i mean OVER my car literally. She had 5 kids inside. She dragged my car to about 40 meters...she had her hands over her ears and eyes tight shut...she was screaming even after the car had stopped. Her car had Mounted my CAR.

NOTHING....absolutely nothing happened to her Prada...she had a freakin heavy bull bar in front....it just got a little scratches on it's chrome. My car was a write-off. My favorite fishing rods...tackle box..everything gone!!

I pulled out a chair for her...gave her a glass of water...paramedics...arrived...Every one was so sympathetic for her even me...except my heart got crushed...my first love passed away!!

Her reason for accident was SUN...she managed to crash into a parked car....because she got glare in her eyes ( GOOD ONE !!) and she also said that she was driving under the speed limit! ( REALLY!!!) My guess is she was doing atleast 70 Km/hour...

My car was a sedan and it became a hatch back...the rear seat was in the front...and my ugly sticks were embedded in the rear seat's metal back. Including my tool kit....fortunately the gas-stove did not go off. It looked like my car was wearing a TUTU.


I would say that we were saved by piss...if we were still in the car we'd have been dead.

Second Incident

It was my turn to visit the supermarket to get grocery...as usual I forgot my wallet at home...but I had 50 dollars in my jeans..I always do that...in case I forget...coz I did not have ANY CAR, I had  to walk 2 kms to get to the supermarket.

I picked up the trolley with stuff in it and headed back home...the bloody trolley would go side ways!! it was hard controlling it...and after a kilometer I realized that I need to go to the toilet...and the pressure was mounting my bladder was about to burst...there are no public loos on the way...that's why I FORGOT TO USE THE LOO IN THE SHOPPING MALL.

The pressure gives a person enormous strength...I started running....hoping to make it to home on time...i even kept the key in my hand....coz I know it is when you stop...the accident can happen. The freaking trolley went side ways all the time....but I WAS A MAN ON A MISSION.

BUT NO...How can everything go alright. A tall- well built 17 year-old kept following me...and he stopped me...and asked me to empty my pockets....this is how it went:

Attacker: Bro empty your pockets or you go home on a strecher.


( OH! GREAT....I want to go MAN...I need to get to the toilet...GOD..)

Me:   I don't have any...I left my wallet at home...here is 5 dollars...take it...also you can have what's in the trolley. ( I was dancing while I was talking....)...buddy you got to let me go...may be you can take my number and fix an appointment later...you can have a go at me later...please take a rain-check right now...COZ I REALLY REALLY NEED TO GO TO TOILET.

Attacker: I have never seen any Indian dance like you do!!


ME: If you like it...I'll teach you sometime....I PROMISE...LET ME GO MAN....GOD...I never wet my pants since I left the diapers...I don't want to start now.

Attacker: ha ha ha haha....HA HA HA HA HA....go away man...you are one funny guy!!

ME: Thanx....give me your number we'll hang out some time... (WHY AM I SAYING THIS)...nyways I got to run.........

IT WAS CLOSE....no not about being mugged....I made it to the toilet.

22 comments:

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

ROFLMAO!!!
You ACTUALLY asked that guy for his number?!?!
Desperate times... :D
I still cnt stop laughing!!!
go ahead man...you are one funny guy!!

санжог said...

@Nofairytale

Trust me...when you got to go...you really really got to GO, all the stupidity pours out.

I wrote hang out...not date!! HA HA HA HA HA

Uncommon Sense said...

first incident was really freaky, gd tht u got ur ass saved

Sorcerer said...

Car IN TUTU
wow!! my ultimate car dreams

you want to hand out with your attacker..not hang out.No?

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

U mite be the first person who asked his ATTACKER for his number to HANG OUT wid hm. :)
Pressure gives guts to guys? ;)

санжог said...

@uncommonsense

Well..i was only seconds away from death there.

@saucer

yes a car in a tutu and it made me sad...very sad.

@nofairytale

i get into tight spots so many times that...i am usually beyond the point of giving up!!

supriya said...

so did you get the number of the attacker...lol..!!

санжог said...

@Supriya

ofcourse NoT...but I saw him around!!

Vamsi said...

@ sanjog,

interesting as always.

cheers !

Chocolate Lover said...

hahahahaha!
ROFL!

shanaz@MyReverie said...

The side-way moving trolley is a crazy human creation. I hate having to be pushing it at the opposite direction everytime. So what I do is, I kick the wheels hard and leave the damn thing for some poor soul to take.

But seriously good story Sanjog. It gave me ideas. The next time an attacker comes, I'd be as friendly as you are. He he. Keep it up man!

Meenakshi said...

in the first incident, u were real lucky.. all sympathys despite your loss went to the lady - bu ha ha ha..

second incident was hilarious.. could picture the whole scene.. and best part, even in that urgency you were soo keen to get that guy's number to hang out.. hmm..

Shriram INC. said...

thank loo!!!!

Chhaya said...

Ahhh.... salt rubbed on my wounds! someone rammed into my parked car just last week. parked as in – Parked in the lot, right in front of my home!!! And my car is not a tiny one!!!!

Saurabh Panshikar said...

woman drivers hmmmmm
close shave tho...

btw whats with the wallet thing? Why do you forget is all the time?

LOL@ the second incident. I can imagine you dancing with knees bent! Luckily you din have a car.... Coz those bumps hurt pretty bad when you need to GO!

Yemiledu said...

LOl!

You seemed to have so many interesting experiences and incidents in Australia. Share them all..I demand :P

I feel sorry for your first luv..but thank god you weren't inside and that the gas stove forgot to burst :)

So did you hang out with this 17 year old tall stalker??

:~)

Mr.Poo said...

Do you have a photo of your car, would love to see the tutu.
I actually once did shit in my pants because I forgot my keys. I was 9 and mummy wasn't home.

Mr. Stupid said...

HAHA. Now that was hilarious. Well at least the second one.
The day Nature Called to save your lives.... Glad you guys got out of the car at the right time.

Well, the second incident is something that I had to face too. Only difference, I was at a theater. I had to dodge all the folks on the way. I reached the loo. But, I was too late. You might have guessed what happened next... lol

Have a wonderful day...:)

санжог said...

@ Vamsi,

Thanx buddy...life's like this.


@ Chocolate Lover
glad you liked it

@shanaz@MyReverie

I was out of my mind at that time...my bladder was about to burst...it's like I was in absolute corner...and my cerebellum kicked in!!

Oh the trolley...I use it sometimes to activate the red light camera...I am sure Auburn precinct has many of my photos!! Say....Speedy Gonzalez...ariba ariba andle andle and drive the trolly on the road to trip the red light camera.

@Meenakshi

I thought that I don't want my loses to get the better of me...if i feel sad than the problem has won...I cannot accept that...so I thought I'll get a new car later!

@Shriram INC. said...

Touche to that!

@Chhaya

It's just a car...I just remember the good moments that my car helped me get smiles of my friends and my face.


@Saurabh Panshikar

Man that woman had her hands on her ears and eyes shut tight when i pulled her out of car!!.

Well I am a chronic forgeter of important things...usually some one else handles the slaps on my head to remind me of "not to forget"....the therapy proved successful.

I couldn't have driven the car with bursting bladder!! so you are right!

@Yemiledu

Hah...you are spot on about that...my friends are crazy and we go over and beyond to make this drudgery of life meaningful. My friends and me had a pact...we must turn into a legend..when we grow up...and upto certain extent it is coming true.

@Mr.Poo

Luckily I am a constipated person...so i can hold number 2 as long as I want. Shit happens. HA HA HA HA

I don't have photo of my car in that shape...even if I had i'd have destroyed it.

@Mr. Stupid said...

God that is terrible... i can imagine...you'd have to run...well I think this problem is with all men it seems...we just tend to act about something at the last moment...or it turns out to be one of those moments!!

Hey BTW i loved your blog...it is absolutely the kind that I love to read.

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Dr. Heckle said...

So you guys hang out now?

санжог said...

Thanx for comment buddy.
never met him again