Friday, January 22, 2010

Scientific definations for the people who want to read and write good and get away with it.

To be or not to be, depends on what you put after the verb "be"....having said that meaning less sentence as it has nothing to do with this post, I will just continue with what I am writing after a brief distraction due to myoneurotic-infraction.

While in school I used to come across these wierd home work, the teachers gave us, I used to look around the class to see the faces of anyone with WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD DO I DO WITH THIS kind of look. Instead I'd find this sincere looking people, with this half stupid look like army men have when they are ordered to do something. I went home, I knew that I could not write the answers to what was asked to me, I have this "Permanent Interrogatory Facial Muscular Disorder" also known as having a big question mark on my face, mostly because I never pay attention in class room.


I was to write the paraphrase of the last paragraph of P.B Shelly's poetry  The cloud, which in original form is as follows:

I am the daughter of Earth and Water,
    And the nursling of the Sky;
I pass through the pores of the ocean and shores,
    I change, but I cannot die.
For after the rain when with never a stain
    The pavilion of Heaven is bare,
And the winds and sunbeams with their convex gleams
    Build up the blue dome of air,
I silently laugh at my own cenotaph,
    And out of the caverns of rain,
Like a child from the womb, like a ghost from the tomb,
    I arise and unbuild it again.





I was 10 years old, how in the GOD's name could I get what the poetry meant. But teacher did explain it. so i have to write the paraphrase!

So i wrote it, with a scientific out-look, courtesy medical journal and Oxford English Comprehensive Mega Extremely Non-understandable Words Collection Dictonary/ Repository.

Here is my latest version: (scientific explanation with reference to Quantum Mechanics and general Physics)

The authour is a female born out of conjugal mating ritual performed by terrafirma and hydrogen dioxide also known as H2O.

She used to be breast fed by the gaseous mass covering the planet pulled in by the gravitational force which is blue in color due to the refraction of light caused by suspended particles.

She possesses the ability to change the state of her matter from solid silicon layer to sodium chloride 20% W/V solution which covers 70.8% of the planet earth. (Note: the concentration of sodium chloride might vary according to precipitation and temperature) Resulting in her being immortal and possessing ability to reorganize her atomic structure.

The poet applies her derivatives from the laws of Quantum mechanics and states that the hypothetical destination for all living beings to pass on to after death is in fact a pavilion and does not contain any particles on its surface after the vaporization-precipitation-condensation cycle in the air resulting in round H2O particles falling at a speed of 33M/sec due to gravitational force and their spherical shape is due to surface-tension and drag and lift forces created by the friction in the atmosphere. These particles being sterile and distilled do not leave any unwanted marks on that pavilion.

The author tries to explain the reason of why the sky is blue by stating that the light refracted by the semitransparent convex reflective suspended particles in the atmosphere, randomly moving around due to the change in atmospheric pressures and that the gravitational pull makes it dome shaped.

Then the author confesses of suffering from a neurological disorder by giving an example that she expands her 35 facial muscles without making any sound by looking at her own monument designed to signify her dual citizenship and contradicting the fact that she is immortal.

But she later explains that her atomic restructuring is signified as death and rebirth while performing that feat she describes the psycho-emotional elaboration comparing the process with child birth and resurrection of paranormal-disembodied-personality from resting place of the afore stated being's dead body.

PHEW! well the original sucked more than this one, and my teacher threw my note-book ( I bet she had been practicing throwing Shuriken) It landed on my nose and i started bleeding.!!


So continuing my research on the internet I found few and made some of my own scientific definitions of various things around us:

French Kiss:

Juxtaposing your orbicular oris muscles in the position of contraction

SEX:

The conjugation of male and female reproductive organs of simmilar species with spasmodical pulsating contractions of pelvic regions stimulated by the electrial impulses created by brain resulting in release of oxytocin (cuddle-hormone)and exchange of  DNA laced liquid. The byproduct of which is single cell organism diving and multiplying later to become a major head-ache in future.

Reading
Analytical juxtapositioning of peculiar diversified words which are progressively absorbed by optcial photo sensitive cells, transmitted to the brain by optical nerves firing up neurosemetic circuits resulting in expansion of knowledge is called reading.





The finger of impunity: The finger of impunity created by contraction and relaxation of lumberical and interossei muscles expanding the digitus turtius, causing sever disgust reaction to the reciving party, it also can cause serious repurcussions like swift kick in the groin.










So you are late for office and you thing OH what do i do? what excuse do I have: 


Ok even if you don't want to excuse yourself, but this can most certainly get laid. You are absolutely right that you are wrong it means you get fired kind of laid, or laid on the floor after some one punches you for giving him/her or them a massive myonurotic infraction also known as a head ache.


You can get famous but only for wrong reasons, call this the Mighty battle AXE EFFECT.





Head ache: Pulsating Myoneurotic Infraction.

Sore throat: Soro-thrototytus

Upset-Stomach: Gastro-upsetotites Borborygmi (growling stomach)

 Common fever :   Sever infra-fever-o-cocus

Common Cold : nasal-nostop-run-o-closis

Others:

Blogghoria: If you just can't stop blogging.

Blogonstipation: If you can't start blogging.

I cant write anymore, that's all for now, if your mind starts running side-ways like mine, please feel free to add more in the comments. I would love to read that!!


7 comments:

Sakshi said...

I don not understand science. That is the reason I left engineering.
I loved * The byproduct of which is single cell organism diving and multiplying later to become a major head-ache in future.*
In retrospect we are also in the same bracket, for our parents.

Btw- Which poem is this? Sounds familiar. Is it the West Wind?

Shriram Ramesh said...

to be really frank i think was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Although i did not understand a major part of it it cannot be discarded as Floccinaucinihilipilificatory!!!

Uncommon Sense said...

all the words went up my head.. u must hv spent lot of time in finding those words

susie said...

whoa! sanju. u do ur homework sincerely.. :P

Sorcerer said...

Sanju..this rwaks.>I told ya..this trwaks
I love the blogonstipation.
you gave scientific name for Writers block!!
yay!!

санжог said...

@Sakshi

That poetry is The Cloud. Dont worry about understanding, most of it I made it up!!

Just proving my point...it's easy to beat the system.

@uncommon sense

Actually I didn't coz i made it up!!

@susie

I think i was inspired by your blog http://nidhiwrites.blogspot.com/
engineering skills you have.

@sorcy
you are suffering from blogghoria

quilly said...

Your definition of sex cracked me up.