Fire-cracker and cow dung explosion

I wanted to attach an image of cow dung, but I could not bring myself to do that, coz I never saw cow dung at such a close range as the picture was (here is the link) don't say that I didn't warn.

Long time ago I went to my village were I am allowed to be the animal I am, no reigns, no need to be a snob, a knob or a nob. Normally among kids in village its more about how fast you can run, climb the tree or tie a bell around a bull's neck.

This is the story about my vacation. My cousins and I were playing, and because we were a lot into modifying things, we decided to do something radical.

It was Diwali so we decided to make our own mega explosive, really noisy fire cracker.

We took couple of these shown in the picture, these are Chinese, the Indian versions have better wick.

But these firecrackers have a problem, they go off very quickly and in a way you can blow your hand off if not careful.

So we decided to find a way to make is safe but loud. We found another version of fire cracker which is pretty loud and kind of scary but it has a slow burning wick, that gives us enough time to run. Look at the picture on the left.

Now what we did was we super glued couple of those above with the one on the side and kind of connected the short wicks to the bottom of the slow burning wick.


So the bomb was ready, but it looked kind of dangerous, I have no idea what flipped inside my brain but I decided to plant the bomb in the largest cow dung I could find, which was conveniently near a store that used to rip us off.

We needed something to light it up, but we were not so sure about going inside the house for asking. Coz we have a notorious reputation. If any of my associates including me ask for something that has to do with fire, we will be punished.

So one of my not-so-smart cousin, who apparently was shaking with fear brought a colored sparkles instead of incense stick (incense stick allows to light up the wick with precision), he went near the bomb and tried to lit it, but because of its immense heat, the sparkle burnt the wick faster than it should.

AND BADA BOOM it went, massive ammount of cow-dung flying every where. I was smarter so I stood behind a pillar, but my cousins were not spared.

The one who lit the bomb was completely covered in cow-dung, his face was black from the soot and he was belowing smoke out of his nostrils. The other cousin managed to start running, so he was half covered with dung. I was already behind a wall, I was safe.

I saw the impact of the blast next day in the morning, the shop's shutter and it's hoarding was covered in cow dung. Not a single thing in the vicinity was spared. two cars and a bike....completely covered in cow dung.

It took few days for my cousin to recover from that blast!! and the smell of the dung didn't leave him for days.

My cousin went " YEAH!! lets do it again" and after few days we modified a rocket, which did not take off, and the whole thing blew on ground, burnt my uncle's favorite rose bush, and we got thrashed and grounded.

The cow-dung smell was bad, but the revenge I took was sweet.

I don't lit fire-cracker's any more, I think its just not good for the environment and mostly because they are made by child laborers.

Cabramatta

Long time ago, Eddy and me were returning from a hectic, long 300kms of driving kind of day. It was almost 1 AM, and we were passing through this really really dangerous suburb called Cabramatta, drug dealers, gang wars and stuff going around at that place all the time.

It was cold, and we were in our trusty Toyota Hiace, which takes a lot of battering from Eddy and his road rage, if Eddy can't kill it, nothing can! I could hardly keep my eyes open, and still had a long way to go coz Eddy lives in Campbelltown. We stopped for some energy drinks (v-drink), we both are kind of addicted to it!!

Eddy was waiting for me in the van as I came out of the 7/11 (Yes that was run by an Indian, as you might have assumed! TAXI+ 7/11 = Indian). Eddy honked the horn when the store guy was fumbling with change! I gave Eddy a finger (Hold your horses, the cash register is working as fast as it can!!).

I jumped into the passenger seat, and Eddy looked at me with a serious face.

Eddy: " bro there is something wrong tonight, I don't feel right, let's get out of here"

Me: " don't tell me you are thinking of skid-mark Eddysophy again!!"

Eddy:  " no, seriously, I have this gut feeling something is wrong!"

Me: " ok, bro, then let's start with a skid-mark on the road and scoot from here! I am not a fan of this place at this time either!"

We came across an intersection and there was this red-light camera there! so we had to stop as the traffic signal was red. There were no vehicles around, the streets were empty. It was dark, cold and coz Eddy's gut sensors where crying out, I too felt the chill in my spine. We were in no mood to stop at the traffic signal.

I was sure that if we get to meet goons at this time high on cocaine, we'd be dead. I've heard that when a person is high on cocaine, you don't want to be around! specially with a sawed off shot gun with a hair-trigger! But Eddy was a big man and a former kick-boxer. I wasn't that worried. He taught me many things and may be if I don't panic we might get through alive.

I shouldn't have thought about all this, coz while I was thinking of various scenarios of what we would do to not get killed! I saw a man running towards our car.

I could tell he was high on something, coz he was running erratically, he was trying to cross the street. I frantically pushed the lock down. At the same time we saw a gang of 10 people with guns and machetes running towards us. The guns are not intimidating, coz you know that you'd get killed instantly , but the machetes are very scary. You can imagine , you won't die quickly with one of those slashing through you, unlike movies, coz you'd be struggling too.

I could tell that they were not ordinary teenagers with weapons, I've read lot of novels and done a lot of wiki to know that! as they came closer I saw a man with a knife in the group, he was holding it in downward position, the pointy thing towards the ground, gripping it like a tennis racket, a perfect grip.  That is a sign that they are trained people. When you find some one holding the knife or any kind of pointy thing in that way, you better run! only experts hold it that way. 

We froze, unlike the scenarios i ran in my head, blood ran out of our faces!. I looked at Eddy and he gestured to be quite.  The man being pursued collided with our van from my side. I saw the horror in his face, and something else too. There was a syringe stuck in his neck!

As we were smoking, I had left an inch of my window open. I could smell petrol. Some one had stabbed this guy with a syringe full of petrol.

The guy let a shriek out and started crossing the street. He was too slow but there was hope . There was a hospital and gas station right across the street. I also heard police siren closing fast! listening to the cops the gang after him stopped.

The man stumbled and started crawling towards the gas station. I was confused...why in the God's name is this man going towards  the petrol station instead of the hospital. But he just stopped, he could not go any further. He just had to go little bit more but he didn't.

All this happened within 60 seconds. Eddy gunned the car, and we ran out of there!!

Can anyone guess why the man stopped?

Coz he ran out of petrol!

Gotcha!, it's not even April yet! but that's me!

Thank you Eddie, coz you made this up!

Dream-- the killer clown with table fan

when I was a kid I used to get bullied a lot. But I was not the silent type either, I had a brain good enough to get back at them, which of course when got caught ended up with more violence. Most of the time I'd stand up against my adversaries and get beaten up black and blue later, coz my feeble attacks won't do much difference. And on top of this my mom would punish me for getting into a fight which rounded things up.

Oh, in case you are wondering what I do to get back, here are some tips for newbees in revenge business:

1. Take a key that fits into your opponent's bike and break it in the lock!!
2. Stick "Kick me, I need one" on your opponents back. (this needs a lot of practice)
3. Always keep a blade handy, I use it to tear off pants from the back side. shaving blades are so sharp that the enemy won't suspect. Pray to God that he is not wearing undies that day!
   
4. I got a ink pen in which i'd let the ink into the cap, so when the bully opens it, you can be there to laugh!
5.  I'd put water on the chair that i want to sit on later. The bully will ofcourse think "ewww".
6. I always remember the punches and then I get back atleast after three months, out of the blue. Surprise!!
7. Pick you nose! people will take you for granted! They'd think you are an idiot, gross! and mostly won't bother you thinking you are dirty to even touch.
8. Fart if you can!
   
9. Always take evasive actions, use brain more than brawl. you'd loose more with straight fights than using tactical war-fare. Wait...patience is the key.
   

THE DREAM

During my child-hood...my guess is because of the above stated problem I used to get this recurring dream.

I'd be running on stairs of this very tall building climbing as something keeps following me. My mind is racing to find a way to evade my enemy. I am scared shitless, my heart's thumping hard against my chest. My lungs are burning with fatigue. I don't even have strength to scream.

But I keep running to the top of the building (it's funny coz i must have climbed a hell lot of stairs, it's like hero of a B-grade movie, he won't die till the director wants him to). Some how even though I was slow my enemy was not able to get me!!

At last I was on the roof, I ran towards the ledge. I saw my enemy, he looked like one of those freaky clowns from a horror movie. He had a weapon in his hand. It was a table fan, which was working to my surprise without electricity,...... actually it looked more like an exhaust fan. It had a grill on it!!

I was thinking, I don't see it connected to any power socket, and it was really stupid coz the fan won't do much harm as it had grill on it!!

But I was freaked out. He lunged towards me , but he did not fell. He was very strong, I could feel his rage. How badly he wanted to kill me by blowing wind on my face with that table fan!! I was walking backwards. Now i was standing on the ledge, I could see the earth bellow!

I never felt so much hatred coming from a clown, I wanted to ask him "what did I do to you?" While I was thinking he pushed me, I felt it... the funny sensation you get in a ferris wheel. I was falling really very fast. My blood had frozen. THUMP I had fallen off my bed. A part of my adrinaline junkie mind was thinking wow what a rush. The other was scared to go back to sleep. The latter won and I watched cartoon all night. Which pissed off my parents and I got grounded. "no TV for you FOREVER".

This dream came often, untill one day I took control over my dream, and remembered to carry a parachute with me. Coz eventually I was going to be pushed off the ledge. To my surprise the freaking clown could fly, and he still carried that table fan with him.

I thought, this is mad! why would that idiot not let go of the freakin table fan and carry something useful like a 9mm gun or a skythe, or a machette. I was thinking, my life sucks so much that even the freaking clown is not bothered to carry something nice to kill me. Thinking how pathetic my enemy was, I just stopped. I thought I'd rather commit suicide than die with a table fan!!

So in my dream I raced towards some real hard boulders on the ground hit hard and died, free, happy and woke up with tears in my eyes!! But I was relived!

Chin chin

I saw this movie called big fish... and I remember these lines between Edward Bloom's son and the doctor when they were talking about his father who told tall stories about everything including the way William was born.

Doctor: Your father ever tell you about the day you were born?
                 
William: Yeah, a thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish.
                  
Doctor: Not that. The real story. He ever tell you that?
                   
William: No
                  

Doctor: Well, your mother came in about in the afternoon.Her neighbor drove     her, on account of your father was away on business...in Wichita. You were born a week early,but there were no complications. It was a perfect delivery. Your father was sorry not to be there. But it wasn't the custom then for men to be in the room for deliveries...so I can't see how it would've been much different had he been there. And that's the real story of how you were born. Not very exciting, is it? And I suppose if I had to choose between the true version...and an elaborate one involving a fish and a wedding ring...I might choose the fancy version. But, then that's just me.

I am not going to elaborate my story that much but in my heart it is no less then fairy tale. My grandfather used to say that to me... make beautiful memories coz that's all you'll have forever.

<-----ME NOW,Constipated look
I met her three years ago, she came to my office with her friend, the day was 4th April 2006. She wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans, as always she looked stunning, but that day she was going to be my student!!

After talking to her, I told her that she did not need my help and that she could do without taking this course for communication skills, but she did not leave, and I didn't want her to go either. We talked for an hour I think. She told me later that she fell for my accent, and the way I said whatever was on my mind.

She is a bit quirky, good looking stunningly beautiful. She is very head strong, has an attitude with capital A. She'd get her way one way or the other. She is absolutely not vulnerable, very confident and intelligent. I was really really pleased to meet a girl who knew exactly what she wanted from her life. I was not going to let this opportunity pass.

I told her that there was no need for her to join the course, but I would love to see her often, because there was something about her I really wanted to figure out, which might even take a life time.

So I asked her to come some time around and meet me. Coz I really enjoyed talking to her, she was smart and pretty.

One day I took her hand and kept staring at her palm, and

She  asked :"what?" what does it say?"

Me             :" how am I suppose to know?"

she            :" I though since last ten minutes you are trying to read my palm"

Me            :" No, I don't know palm reading, I am just admiring your lovely hand, it's so beautiful, and how the hell can I let go of such a beautiful hand attached to such a beautiful girl."

I tried other 10 pickup techniques! which made her laugh.

And like rain on a sunny day, she said " I have a boy friend", I thought " what the hell, I tried!!" ( All the pretty girls are spoken for---theory proved).

Speaking to myself "So break up with your boyfriend, or I'll break him up anyway!!"

Nope, I didn't do nothing, but I was sure that , her asswipe boy-fiend had like a million in one chance to compete with me!! I was trained by the best in this world.

I was not going to poke into her business, as this was not the first time that a girl that I wanted to go out with had a boy-friend. But I knew she deserved better, she could get any man she wanted, but she stayed faithful to him.

We were good friends, untill that idiot boyfriend of hers was caught cheating with a married woman, not only this he also wanted her to understand a "man's" need.

I told her that you better get rid of him, coz i think you deserve better, I don't care if it's not me, but this moron's got to go. No i take my words back, it has to be me! and the moron's got to go.

And that idiots gone for good, I hear, still with that same woman, having a hard time!! ( not surprised! that that woman back stabbed him)

Don't ever think that its all pretty coochi coo between us, we fight like hell. We are poles apart in many many ways. And her attitude is horrible. She'd hardly means her sorries. But I tell you what, I like that about her too. Sometimes she drives me mad, but I can't live without her. Like I said I am still trying to figure out why in the God's name I can't think of my life without her. I am in love with her anger...her horrible, I don't-care-go-to-hell attitude. I am not going to write about the love we share or this post will become a fairy tale!!

But she has been with me in my bad times and good, trusted me, loved me.

I've been through relationships before, fell in love, got dumped...so on. But this is different.

After three years she still dazzles me. I feel like home when she is next to me. Now I know that this is the girl I'd love to grow old with.

A spoof on life

This is the most idiotic and stupid story ever started, I m goona put my brain away and write it, but I want you people to complete it and add things to it that makes it more and more annoying, all the other tweetities and blogghorrea sufferers.

It's ok to be stupid sometimes, it's a stress relief. writing about smart and intelligent stuff makes you Socrates and writing parodies stuff makes you Russell Peters. tell me who is more famous and less boring.

Long long Ago, in a small town with small people, there was this guy called "Incasufindmybrain Postit2me", his first name is "INCASEUFINDMYBRAIN" and last name is "POSTIT2ME". Pronounced like "dumb-me-brain....(pause).... pust-it-thwo-me"

here is the side view of his brain structure:

He always wanted to be a superman, but he was scared about how his butt would look in the tight Spandex(®tm), but he thought that If he wore a cape it won't look that bad, maybe also add an underwear on top of pants to hide his assets and make it less objectionable . (that's the reason Superman wears a cape and undies on top of spandex, I think!!).

But on the other hand Wonder woman is hot.

This is just one of the random things that would pop up in his head, which were actually mostly only three food, sex and Mc Donald's and sometimes where is the nearest Mc Donald's.

He'd say hmmmm a lot coz nofing wud come up in his brain. He thought all the people were stupid, coz he couldn't understand most of the things they'd say.

Well a tragedy fell on him when he was in 7th grade, when he asked his science teacher about " what's inside an electron?" DUHH!! said teacher. "what a stupid question", where is your brain?" DON"T YOU SEE IT'S NOT A PART OF THE SYLLABUS".

Later in his college years he asked " What is love?" to the psychology professor. he replied " What is love? baby dont hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!, nod your head side ways!" (WHAT!! It was a hit back in 1993).

He wanted a girl friend. But who would hang out with him, coz his pick-up line was "come on baby, light my fire". So he turned GOTH. 

He thought, this might be cool. I'll shave my eyebrows, put on black lipstick, paste my face white like a ghost, girls will DIGG it if they don't dig it.

 

Or may be put on hair extentions with black mascara and black eye shade with a lab rat as a pet.

Well it did work for him, now all he had to do was make a face to get good grades. 

The Goth's didn't accept him, they said you are a disgrace, you can't stop smiling, Goth's don't smile. He got hate mails from Ozzy and Marlyn. He wanted to reply them, but he couldn't tell whether to refer Marilyn as Mr. or Miss, didn't want to hurt sentiments, so he decided to "Mansion not" about sexuality of people who look weird.

THAT's ALL.